What kind of gentleman are you?

BY OLIVIA FORSYTH-SELLS for urbanemagazine.org

Recently, a marketer for ‘KetelOne Vodka’ posted on the Urbane Facebook page a link to their application to test what type of Gentleman one can be.  Upon the discovery of this quiz, as I am slightly addicted to taking online personality quizzes, I fell victim yet again to defining myself in an online 5 question test.  The quiz resulted with myself being “a gentleman about town” and this vodka would supposedly solidify that status.

However, after completing the quiz I began to think about the true ‘gentlemen’ I know in my life and slowly begged myself to wonder how one would really define ‘gentleman’.  Is it the man who always tries to place women as the first priority, opening doors and picking their napkins up from under the table?  Perhaps not, considering if there is such a focus on the traditional gender roles women typically become bored with such forced stereotypical behavior.

Is it the man who is dressed head to toe in designer duds, with his hair and face freakishly groomed and a lowball glass of single malt scotch in his hand?  No, since if a man requires such time to dress himself and present himself, perhaps he is compensating for a personality defect. So who is the true gentleman?

Surely a personality which has been an ideal for so many years must have defining characteristics. He must be chivalrous and classy, yet still casual and down-to-earth.  He must be witty and intellectual, though kind and understanding when it is important.  The true gentleman must have one single desire; to allure and intrigue the masses.  He must be the life of the party, but humble about the attention.  He must command an audience and speak with distinction.

However, all these qualities lead to one type of person, and yet, there are multitudes of personalities that still fall under the category of ‘Gentleman’. The advertisement for KetelOne asks, “What type of gentleman are you?” and I wondered to myself, are there a multitude of types, or is it one over-arching character trait?   I have known many men in my life who claim to be gentlemen, but often it is merely an inflated imitation of a fictional character, and there is no depth to their assertion.   I have also known many men who fall into this category without attempting to do so, or deliberately avoid the title in attempts to rid themselves of the responsibility of such a role.

With all these ideas spinning through my mind I paused, and peered out the window of my parents’ small country home to see a father playing street hockey with his two sons.  As much as the definition of ‘gentleman’ could be perceived as being a suave playboy, smoking cigars in silk jackets and being surrounded by women, is it possible that that man, outside in his parka and snow boots, to be more of a gentleman than any of the people I have described thus far?

As How to Be a Gentleman by John Bridges states in the introduction, “Ultimately, being a gentleman has little to do with tying a tie or fumbling with the flatware…  It is not about complicated rules and convoluted instructions.  It is about trying to make life easier for other people.  It is about honestly and sincerely being a nice guy.”

This father is not concerned with his appearance and does not seem to have something to prove.  He is simply having a good time, with his children, enjoying the weather this fine country has to offer.   He is, in fact, the true gentleman by the closest possible definition.  Thus I concluded to myself, and to this article, that a gentleman is simply a man who genuinely wants to care and love those who he chooses to be around, and enjoy the company of the people he cares about.